The Gift Of Suffering

The past few months have been an extreme struggle. When you struggle with constant chronic illness it can be hard. There is times where you relieve you might not able to do what you want to do or to put it another way your dreams are crushed. You try as hard as you can to keep persusing your passion, goals and dreams but your mind tells you to go but your body says not so much.

The past year had great times for me, but then things like it seems to happen often for me didn’t go so well. I dream of being a pastor some day but the last few months I have not been able to get out of bed. I dream of finishing school but again my health has not allowed. 

I have had a fever now for two months on top of my type one diabetes it’s been a challenge. In my dark days I am filled with regret for my past and in my dark days I don’t see much hope for my future. In my dark days I feel alone as I am not with my family. 

But God! But God will make a way. It might not be the way that I thought it would be but it will be His way. I often remember in my dark days that God will never leave me nor forsake me. 

I might not be able to be what I want to be, but I can be what God wants me to be. I have come realize that maybe God wants me to suffer well. To be an example to others that no matter what happens God is still good. When good things happen we brag and say God is good. We should do that, but we should also remember what Job said, should we not just except the good and not the bad from the Lord? We should except both with a joyful heart.

I have not written in this for awhile. I know I am not the best writer but I write more for me than anyone else. 

Life has been hard for me. Some of it I caused my self and I realize that. Some of it is because of my health struggles.