Crazy few weeks

The last few weeks have been pretty crazy for me! Life kind of slowed down for every one around here since we get hit by a snow storm. But I went to Chicago to try out for a t.v. program which was pretty fun and crazy. My health seems to be getting better. I still have the feeding tube but I am not using it right now. I am able to eat for now. Which is GREAT! I have been going through the 12 steps again with my sponsor. Finding out some stuff about myself that I have not worked on. As it seems to come up, I really would like to go back to Eureka, but God has me here for now. Not going any where until I can get my feeding tube out.

I grew up with the thought that you had to go to church to be a good Christian or spiritual. I have had that in my thinking for a long time. But I have realized that yes Church is good. But if I put anything above my recovery I am in trouble. Even if I put my kids before it I run into trouble. Yes I moved here to be closer to then and God knows I have tried to see them as much as I can. But I let not seeing them effect me to much.

Expiations, is another big one for me. Expiations I put on others and those that others put on me. I have to realize that those around me are doing the best that they can. And I am doing the best that I can. I was accused by someone that I don't even really know that I have pity parties about my health and not seeing the kids. Kids, probably but not my health. I work hard on not feeling sorry for myself. There are days I do. But life is what life is. Sometimes it is going to suck. I was told once that pain equals growth. I do believe that but boy its not all ways easy.

Keep Walking....