Good health!!

The last few days have been great health days. I am still trying to get use to this new found good health. I am still falling asleep way to early and getting up WAY to early! I got off some pain meds that were making me pretty numb. Now I am more awake in my brain. Now I am struggling with loneliness. When I was so drugged out I did not care now I am struggling with loneliness again. Missing my kids a lot. I am still staying in the word every day. Got slack with my 90 day reading plan while getting ready for teaching the book of Joel this past Sunday. But I was still in the Word. But I am back on tract today. Loneliness really gets me, I hate it! I hate being separated from my family. But I did it to myself. When I was so drugged up I did not care now my feelings are back and I care, I can feel again. Those meds really messed me up! My days are LONG and I am a people person. So now it's back to focusing on God! He is preparing me for something, I don't know what and I hope it's to start preaching soon :-) But I am going to keep doing my podcast!

I am going to keep walking...

Feeling like giving up!

The pain continues to be so bad I just don't know what to do anymore! The feeling of giving up is so strong. I am just so tired of being hungry all the time and in pain. The pull of just taking a bunch of anxiety pills has been strong the last couple of days. 

Then I guess I guess I had a pity party at church yesterday, yes I had a pity party. I am told to do outreach but the new budget came out and they didn't even meet me in the middle with money to work with. 

My emotions are pretty raw right now doing a lot of crying! 

I know I can't give up but it's getting hard! I am back to reading the bible in 90 days again. Trying to bath myself with scripture. Not doing it for any glory but to become more like Jesus! 

There has to be a reason for this trial, for this valley. Right now it doesn't seem like I am ever going to get through this. 

Oh God give me some Hope during this storm!

Terrible Pain

The pain in my legs and feet have been so bad yesterday and today. It's almost unbearable! I had physical therapy yesterday and it flared up the pain. I just don't know what to do. I don't feel like my doctors are listening to me. I feel like throwing in the towel! Just giving up but I don't know what that means either! I am just so tired of this terrible pain all the time day in and day out! Oh God hear my cry!!!