A year in Iowa

Wow, its been way to long since I have written in my blog. Time has just got away from me. It's been a year since I moved back to Iowa. I knew it was not going to be easy, but did not know it was going to be this hard. It seems since I have bee here my health went to pot. And being closer to the kids have not worked out as well as I would have hoped. The biggest thing I am still struggling with is loneliness and knowing what to do with my time. I was reminded how brittle my health is this weekend. I was in charge of the church picnic and the Talent show we had there. It all went very well But I have not been feeling well the last two days. And every time I see my kids it takes a lot out of me.
I was thinking about taking two classes at DMACC but hostler I don't think I can do it right now. I am really struggling with what my purpose is. What am I suppose to be doing. I just don't want to be known as the sick guy. It seems my name has been on the prayer chain all most every other week. It is hard having diabetes and the complications of it. Every diabetic is different and we all struggle with different things. Some people do a better job at controlling there blood sugars and are able to live a "normal" life. Than there is guys like me that have a hard time controlling there diabetes.

I think that I made the right chose by moving closer to my kids. But for me three hours is still a long way.

I am going to keep walking...

Life goes on

I find myself sick again. I have bronchitis. It gets frustrating to get sick all the time. I don't like being known as the sick person. I have been having a lot of emotions the last few days.
It is harder than I thought it would be living three hours away from the kids. I desire to see them more and want to be a good dad. It seems the longer I stay sober the less my ex wife trusts me. I still can't bring them to Ames which makes it hard.
I get frustrated and wonder if I should just stop and throw in the towel. Which I am not going to do. Old friends of mine won't give me the time of day.
I am still struggling with loneliness and what my purpose in life is. My health seems to hold me down.
Today I am going to give all this to God and keep walking

A time like this

As I sit on my porch this morning my mind is so full off stuff. Some good and some not so good. I have been here in Iowa for a year now and what a year it has been. I have wondered many times if this was the right move. I have asked God many times, was this the best idea? Did I misunderstand You? There are days, O.K. most days that I wonder what am I doing here and what is my purpose. I first of all came here to be closer to my kids. And I am finally getting to see them on a regular bases. So that is a big purpose for being here. I get to see them one weekend a month, so what's my purpose the rest o the days?

The answer is I don't really know. And I daily have to accept that fact. I could act super spiritual here and make up a spiritual answer. But the truth is I just don't know. What I do know is that I get up every day ready and willing to serve God in any way I can. My hearts desire is to preach and teach. I don't know if that will ever happen, but what I do know is that God gives me opportunity to serve Him in little and big ways every day.

Yesterday the sermon was about Queen Easter. And she was in that place, "For a time like this". I need to stop asking why I am here and starting living in the attitude that I am here for a time like this. Not having my will be done but God's!

Keep walking.....

Trying the YouTube thing

My story: http://youtu.be/edQeD7tXSYA

I need to waith on the Lord

Life does not all ways go as we plan. I sure did not plan my life looking this way when I was a kid. But I guess it's how you handle what life throws at you! It is hard for me sometimes to see good coming out of what I have done in my past. But God is able to use me if I am willing to listen to Him. Waiting on the Lord is a struggle for me. I want things to happen right now this second. That's the world we live in today. Every thing now. But we are told to wait on the Lord. He all so says draw near to me and I will draw near to you. This is what I need to do daily! Seeking Him and waiting on His timing in all things!

Feeling pretty good!

Life has been going pretty good. I have been feeling good now for a couple of weeks. I am excited that I get to see my kids next Thursday and Friday. Then I get to take my kids out east at the end of the month to see my brother Tom and his family and my mom is still out there. I am praying all the financial stuff comes through. God has been really blessing me!
I am not perfect but I am trying to become more like Christ. So many areas of my life I still need to give to Him. Its sure a daily thing!