I need a toe truck

Its amazing how I find ways to hurt myself. I am staying down in the basement and I went up for a drink of water at 1:30am. When I went back down the stairs I slipped and fell down the last couple of steps. I broke my left big toe. Had to go to the ER and the doctor had to reset it. So hopefully it will stay set, if not the doc said when I get back to Iowa I might need to have a pin put in.

Well I am going to keep walking, maybe a little slower but still keeping on a walking!

Longsufferung

Christmas is all most over. It has been a good day. Last night was fun, I got to sing in the choir at my brother's church for the candle light service. We had a full house up here in Alaska with some extra guests. Gifts were exchanged and my brother read the Christmas story. Thanking God today that He is longsufferung and that Jesus is my strength when I am weak. When the world seems to be going crazy around me I can abide in Him. I know today that God does not make junk. And when I fall short He picks me up an we keep walking!

Can we agree to disagree?

Can we agree to disagree? That's the question that has been rolling around my head today. To be friends with someone, do we have to agree on everything? Well I think the answer is that we as people and friends don't have to agree on everything. I have learned this lesson the past few years. But it seems that some people won't be your friend unless you agree with them on every thing. So it's a good question and I will probably keep pondering on this.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

I did not get Christmas Cards out this year. I am spending the holidays in Palmer, Alaska with my mom, brother and his family. It has been very fun and crazy at times! But it is sure nice spending the holidays with family! This year has been the year of change for me. Its been an up and down year for me, some really good points and some low points but through all of this God has always been good.

At the end of May Regan and I got divorced after 12 years of marriage. That was a hard time for me, but all my good friends in Eureka helped me through it. I moved to Ames, Iowa on July 17th from Eureka California. It was so hard to leave Eureka since that is were I got sober. Part of me still wishes I lived in Eureka, but I moved back to Ames to be closer to my kids. September 3, 2012 I celebrated one year of sobritey. We had a big party out at Wakefield Woods. I got to see my kids a couple of times this year, which was all ways great. They are growing up to fast.

I am living with my dad in Ames. In October we had to put down our family German Shepherded down, Rudy. He had cancer and he was ten years old. Not to worry, just a few weeks ago dad and went and got a German Shepherd puppy!

Joel is ten years old and Michele is eight. Joel enjoyed basball and football season this year and is looking forward to playing tackle next year. Michele is growing up way to fast. I think she is the smartest kid in her class :-) They are adjusting well to the move to Platteville and are very active at there church.

Of course I had a couple of health issues, but whats new! I was in the hospital with my diabetes in September. That was a pretty good stay since I got to meet Paul Rhoads and the ISU football team! Then at the end of October I had a hernia surgey. I recoverd pretty good from that.

Now I am in Alaska enjoying my family. It is a very busy house, but it is fun. I got to see a moose up close. And one of my favoirte things to do is go to a local restruant and eat reinder sousage. I keep busy by going to lots of AA meetings and hanging out with the family

I am so thankful this year for my sobriety. I owe it all to God and AA. I finally gave up and gave my life and will to the care of God and worked the steps. It is sure a life changing thing!  My relationship with Jesus has really grown in a big way the last few months. He has done for me what I could not do for myself. My idea of what a Jesus follower has changed the last year. I try to be more like him, though I know I fall short.

I hope you all find the true meaning of this season. For me the true meaning of the season is Jesus. He came as a baby and grew up and died on the cross for our sin. And if I trust in Him I will have eternal life! May God bless you and yours this holiday season!

I am going to keep walking, Gary (Peaches)

HOPE

I am up early this morning, my high blood sugar woke me up. It's been a good few days. Christmas time is sure a busy time. I think some times we get so busy we forget the true meaning of Christmas. It's been nice being here in Alaska, I don't have to plan or organize any thing really so am I really enjoying Christmas time this year. For me this Christmas is a time of Hope! Which it should always be, but I have time to think and meditate on this idea. My hope comes from Jesus Christ. Christ did not just come on the scene as a baby in the Bible. He appeared to people as the angel of the Lord in the Old Testament. That fourth guy in the fiery furnace was Jesus. Jacob wrestled with the Angel of the Lord whom is Jesus. And in John 1 it says that Jacob wrested with an Angel and I believe that Angel to be Jesus. But this time he came as a humble baby. And grew up a humble man. He was fully God and fully man. Feeling the pains that we feel and feeling the struggle with sin. He paid the ultimate price as God as He hung on the cross for our sins. There is Hope in Jesus. When we follow Him He adopts us in His family. He cam as a baby to give us new life. This is what Christmas means to me. In the past I have got so caught up in every thing else and have forgotten the true meaning of Christmas.

Hope is a good thing for a guy like me to be focusing on. We all need hope or we just start loosing the point of life. Hope gives me goals and direction. Some times I feel like I don't matter. What do I have to offer any more is in my head way to much. But if I walk as Jesus did then that's a pretty good start. Every day I have an option, am I going to use the tools God has given me or am I just going to walk through the day and fall back into old habits and attitudes. I have learned for me I have to get my butt to an AA meeting every day. It gives me Hope as I look at the twelve steps and hear how others are doing these things one day at a time. I want every thing fixed now. And I want to be doing something amazing reaching peoples lives today. But I know that my recovery is one day at a time. And if I really look at my day I do help people as much as I can. Most of my life I did not think God was using me unless I was in full time ministry. Well, as a Jesus follower I am always in full time ministry if I am willing to do what every God asks me to do, even if I think its a small thing.

My idea of a Jesus follower has changed a lot the last couple of years. A lot of us have our ideas of what a "Christian" should look like and do. And a lot of it comes from outside appearances. We think we have to look good and say and not say certain things. As I go through the gospels Jesus was not sitting around the synagogs He was out with the "bad" people. Well, people like me. He reached out to the people that no one else would reach out to. He loved the people that the religious folks would have nothing to do with.

This is a huge thing that AA as taught me since I have been working the program is to love people as they are not as I want them to be. I put myself in a relgous box that I could not live up to. When I got to AA I found that out. When I keep working the steps I find out who God wants me to be. It took me to shatter that neat little box I was living in and really allow God to work in my life!

Hope! That's my focus this month. And if I stick with Jesus and stick close to the fellowship I will understand more every day what that word means! 

Depression is not a four letter word!

Sometimes when I go to blog my head is empty. Well, that happens a lot to me any way. But when you blog you want to write something profound and wonderful. And I probably fall short on the profound and wonderful thing all the time. A lot of stuff is going through my head this morning I guess I just cant get it all to stop in one place for me to have a nice organized blog this morning. So here are my unorganized thoughts going through my head.

First, the wind. The wind is blowing pretty good this morning. My phone tells me its going 45mph. Now that's some pretty good wind! As I was laying in my bed this morning I was thinking about how I cant see the wind, but I can see the effects of the wind. I cant see the wind but I know its not there. That lead me to think about my faith. I cant see God, but I know He is there. Hebrews 11:1 and 2 says,  Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. ² This is what the ancients were commended for. 
When you start talking about God some folks start getting uneasy, but in my recovery and life in general I must believe in God. I cant see the wind but I know its there and I cant see God but I know He is there. I can see God through the things that He is doing in my life and others around me. Now Hebrews 11 is an interesting chapter. I like to call it the Hall of Faith. Its where the writer of Hebrews talks about the great men and woman of the Old Testament who had great faith. When you take a close look at these great men and woman you see that most of them, wait for it, were not perfect. WOW! You have a drunk, a murder, and adultery, a prostitute, and many other failers among these great people of faith. BUT GOD! Yes, but God still used them. Even though they failed they kept there faith. They fell down but got back up and kept serving God. I tend to think sometimes that God can not use me because I have failed in so many ways, but if God can use these folks then I guess He can use me. 

As I read Hebrews Chapter 11 two guys for me stand out, Elijah and David. It seems that they both struggled with depression. For David just read the Psalms. You can really see his despair, but he keeps his Hope in the Lord. Elijah struggled with depression after he had a great victory. I can relate to these guys who struggle with depression in the Bible because I have struggled with it for years. We don't like talking about it because it is not cool to be depressed and it is looked down on. You must be weak if you struggle with depression and you must not be walking a good "Christian" walk if you struggle with it some people may say. But depression is a real thing and something that God understands. There is hope for me if I keep my eyes on Jesus. And for me using the tools He has given me. Those tools are seeing a counselor and taking meds. And I keep going to AA meetings.

There is a great website that has a lot of good articles on this and other issues. It is  http://www.nacr.org/ 

I don't know how wind led to depression, but it did. When we are depressed we need to deal with it and when there are those who are struggling with it around us we need to encourage them. I just read a good article from the website I talked about. This time of year many folks who are like me struggle with the holidays. I am up here with lots of family in Alaska but I am struggling with the fact that I can not see or even talk to my kids at this time. It would be easy for me just to slip in a deep depression and feel sorry for my self. But I cant do that! I have to go to AA meetings, go to church and just keep on keeping on. I had a guy from AA once tell me that pain equals growth and I hold on to that very deeply during times like this.

Today I am going to keep walking!

Ice

I think God uses different things in our lives to teach us lessons. It's been very icey around here the last few days. That has caused me to slow down while driving and enjoy more of the wonderful things that my eyes can see. It has all so made me more cautious while walking outside so I did slip and break a leg or something. Easy does it is a phrase in AA and what God is showing me through the ice is to not all ways be in a hurry or rush to get some where or to want something in the future to happen now. I have not been good at enjoying the now. "Right here Right now, I am o.k." Tha is so true for me right now. I think God is giving me a chance up here in Alaska to draw more close to Him. I need to embrace that fact any instead of worrying, I need robust keep it simple. After I am done here I am going back to Ames, hopefully different than I left.
I am going to keep walking!

Top Ten: You know your an alcholic when.....

Top Ten: You know your an alcholic when:

10. You live in Los Vagas and you end up in Chiago in the dead of winter not knowing how you got there.

9. You end up at the Oakland bus station passed out drunk out in front.

8. You take the pastors van to the strip club.

7. You wake up next to a sheep in your bed.

6. You think that the jail is a hotel.

5. You start your drinking career at Bible College.

4. Your friends tell you your not an alcholic and then after drinking with you they tell you they think you might be an alcholic.

3. You switch from Jack Daniels to methadone.

2. You end up in the mental helath ward of the hospital and you look around and think these people are crazy and then, wiat a minute I am in here to!

1. You leave the house telling every one your going to the post office and don't come home for three days!

Happy Birthday Jim!

It is 8am here in Palmer, AK and it is still dark as night! Still trying to get use to that, as I am an early riser I am use to the sun coming up by now. The roads have a nice coat of ice on them, but no fear my moms car is done and she has four wheel drive!! Its nice and peaceful still this morning, the kids are still asleep. When they wake up the house is full of lots of energy!

I am excited I was asked to speak at an Alanon anniversary meeting on January 1st! So I am staying here in Alaska probably until the next week. It has been really nice here but it will all so be nice to be home! It is so cool going to meeting up here in Alaska. The folks here in the fellowship have welcomed me with open arms. I love the fellowship, the message is always the same, even if the meetings are ran differently than I am use to.

"The spiritual life is not a theory" we are told by the big book. And that is so true. It is not all ways easy to live out what I learn in the rooms, but if I do I have a better life.

Today is my brother Jims Birthday! He is 44 today, an old man! It is nice being up here this year for his birthday. I told him in his card that he has all ways been like a brother to me! He like the rest of us is not perfect, but he keep walking!

My mom's health this last weekend was not very good. But she has a very good doctor and she is doing much better. It was a pretty strussful weekend but God broought us through.

Hope we all just remember to keep walking today! Walking the path that God has given us to walk!