Give Grace

We as Christians talk a lot about Grace. We say we deeply believe in it. But it seems we want Grace from God and others and yet we some times don't show grace to others in our own life. I am guilty of this in my own life and have been the guy who was not shown much grace.
It is easy to judge others when we have not had there experiences. I use to hold deep to my bitterness towards my dad. Not willing to forgive or show him grace. I have finally forgiven him and one thing that had helped is being able to see that he did the best he could with the tools he was given to him from his past.
Showing grace and forgiveness is a choice that I have to make sometimes daily.
We all are only saved through the grace of God. When I start judging others I need to look iv the mirror at my own sins and failures.

Keep walking...

Be still

I have been thinking a lot about how it is hard for me to be still. We are in such a busy society and everything happens fast. I have a cell phone that I can pretty much do anything on. I can get my emails and reply right away, text, call and more. I want to blame society, but I havse done it to my self. I need to learn how to be still and listen to the Lord. When I don't I end up doing things that feel good at the time but regret it later.

I thing I have learned about being sick so much is that we have lost the art of visiting the sick. And just hanging out. We are so busy we don't have time for each other. It seems that the church in the book of Acts did everything together. Yes we live in a different time, but is that an excuse to not fellowship and spend time with each other?

Today I am going to try and be still and listen to Him

Keep walking

Jesus calms the storms....

For the Midwest this is a very stormy time of year. Tornados and Severe Thunderstorms have been hitting all over the place. And it has been raining and raining! As I was thinking about the storms and the one that hit where my kids live
 I started thinking about the storms in life. Some are big and some are small. And I had to ask myself this morning as I was walking the dog in the rain, do I trust that God can calm my storms? I know in my head that He can, but what about in my heart of hearts. Do I really believe that He can calm the storm and do so much more? I tend to focus on the hear and now and if life is hard I don't think it will ever get better.

We give the disciples are hard time when they did not trust in Jesus when He was right there. I am sure I would do the same thing. They had Jesus right in the boat one time when a storm hit. They like I would started to panic. Jesus was asleep. That bothered them and they woke Him up, He got up and calmed the storm. I an imagine Jesus shaking His head.

I am so guilty of not fully trusting in God. I like at my life and yell out I am sinking Jesus! If I start looking towards Him and not focus so much on what is going on in life I would be doing a lot better.

Today I am going to work on trusting in Him no matter what is going on in my life.

Keep walking.........

Bad Storm

Got a call from my kids today and there town got hit by either high winds or a tornado. It did a lot of damage. It did not hit them, thank the Lord. It's hard living three hours away and not seeing them much. I want to do what dads do, protect there kids. They were fine, but I still had this feeling of just wanting to go out there and give them a big hug. I have this great desire to be with my kids and be a better dad. But for now it is what it is. I would like to move closer to them, but for now I am here in Ames.

It's hard not being able to do ever thing I would like to do. A fact that I am sure is hard for most people that have health issues.

Depression Sucks

I have had years of counseling and u would think that I would be able to get it together. But depression is something that for me never goes away. I have times where I am feeling good but it keeps coming back. I take meds for it and I read my bible and pray and yet some times it just keeps coming. I am in one of those periods where depression is real bad. The diabetes and alcoholism sure don't help. I know I have hope in Christ, but some times I start loitering hope thinking I am never going to get out of this.
But I am going to keep walking!

Struggle

My heart breaks every time I see my kids and have to leave them. I mourn over the lost of my family. I am still struggling with regret of all the things I have done. I am struggling with deep depression that I just can't figure out how to get out of. Then for months my health has been bad.
Some times I just don't know what to do. I am trying to do the next right thing, but some times I don't know what the right thing is.
I am so tired of feeling physically and emotionally sick. God says He will never give us more than we can handle, but some days I wonder.

And it continues

My health has just gone to hell since I have been back in Iowa. Don't know what is going on. In pain every day. It is hard being sick all the time. I try to press on but sometimes it's so hard.

Walking, not just talking....

I have attempted to right in this a few times the last few days. It just seems that I don't have any great ideas to put down on this blog. Life sure has it's ups and downs these days. The Bible tells us to work out our salvation. That does not mean that we earn our salvation. But our relationship with Christ does take some work. I have been working on trying to be in God's word daily. Trying to listen to the Holy Spirit when He prompts me to do what is right. And that is not all ways very easy. After years of being saved I feel that I am still a babe in Christ most days. Sinning in ways that I know better. I am sure going through a molding period in Christ.

Doing the right thing in Christ is not all ways popular. I have learned that the last few days. When trying to obey the Word many people don't or wont understand why you are doing what you have chosen to do. If you want to be popular than you cant all ways do what God wants you to do that is for sure. But for me it is better to please God than any others.

For years I have lived a double life. Trying to serve God and living for the world. And that just does not work for me in my life. It's amazing to me that the people that you thought would be most supportive of these changes are not. Jesus tells us in His Word that following Him is not going to be easy and those who say it is are just either lying or not in reality. It has been easy to say I am a Christian, but living it is not all ways easy.

But it is better to fear God than man! To obey God than have riches! To die to self and live for Him! I say these things today as I am tired and don't FEEL all excited and energized about these truths. But I must not go by my Feelings but by what the Word of God says!

Keep walking......

Blah

It's been a hard couple of weeks. I have been having pain again in my groin. Went to the Doctor last week and had to get a pain block thing. I got that yesterday. The pain shot is causing my blood sugar to be pretty high. It seems that my life lately has just been being sick Getting so tired of being sick all the time. Feeling pretty useless not able to do much.

I know what the Bible says about suffering and God and use me. I guess if God called use an ass then He can use me! Some times I just want all the pain and suffering to go away, far away. But it seems that is not going to happen.

All I know is to try and keep walking!