Continued Struggle

For the last 12 months I have been really sick. I have been sick most of my life. When I was 14 I found out that I had diabetes. Most people don't understand what it's like to have diabetes and all the complications. This year seems it's been the year of the complications. I get one then another and then another pops up. For about two weeks now I have struggling with neuropathy like crazy. It just came in sudden and bad. So bad that I can hardly walk. Because of my Gastroparesis where my stomach doesn't work narcotics slows down my stomach. So at first they tried to use everything they could that was non narcotic, but I have to be on them. 

I have to go through a bunch of hoops before I can see the pain clinic where they want to put electroids in my nerves. So that won't happen until December. I am having memory problems and having a hard time keeping track of all my meds.

I have really been struggling with being lonely. I know God is in control but it gets real hard sometimes!

Rough day!

Today was another rough and frustrating day. The question I have been asking myself self today is what is my purpose in life? Is it just to suffer and to be lonely? Sometimes loneliness gets to me as I am home day after day. I don't even feel like doing my podcast somedays. I like many divorced single people wish for that second chance but I wonder what women would ever want to be with me. There is no good answers or maybe no answers to these questions right now. I know that I need to cling to Jesus right now during this storm in my life. It may seem dark and bleak right now but I need to still need to keep hoping things will get better!

Rest in Him

This is one of thos things that u want to write in more than I have. I have not felt like doing podcast the last couple of days, frankly it's been hard to do anything. I am still using the feeding tube, sneaking food now and the. Now I am fighting neuropathy in my feet and legs. They have me in some pain meds that is making me super tired. Life has been hard and it seems just to keep in getting worst. 

So tired of being such, but I need to rest in Him.