My trip continues....

My cross country trip has been very good so far! I'm dragging a little bit but my health is holding up. My feeding tube decided to fall out the other day, but I choose to keep it out since I have been able to eat. Hope that was not a bad choice :-)
Northern California is where I started my road to recovery. It was the end of my bad drinking career. Visited Hayfork where I was out of control four years ago. It is hard but it is good to go back where you acted like an idiot. Lot's of talk about my past which is uncomtarble but by the Grace of God I'm not like that anymore.
We as Christians say we believe in change but we don't always act like it. The Bible is full of stories of changed people and we to can have the same story.

I've been away from home now since the middle of May. Been trying to keep up with my podcast but it seems to be a challenge. 

Seeking the Lord right now to see what His plan is. 

Checking in...

It's been a busy few weeks! I'm out east visiting my mom and brother. It's been a great trip! I will be headed to visit my friends in California on the 12th. I have been with all the business doing my podcast which I really enjoy doing.
My health has been really good. So I'm looking forward to visiting my good friends in California.

Caring for the Sick...

Caring for the Sick

I have lived with type one diabetes since I have been 14 years old. A chronic illness that you can’t always see the outside effects of. As i have gotten older the complications have gotten worse. You do the best you can to control your diabetes and sometimes your best is not good enough. The complications overtake you and control. You are no longer able to do the things you want to do or be the person you want to be. It seems you hopes and dreams slowly slips  away and your focus is now on this stupid disease and how to stay alive. 

At first people come to your aid and they help you out. And then the days become years and people have lives and the world goes on. it goes on for them and feel like you are forgotten. You hear a lot of the same stuff as a Christian. Read your Bible more, pray more. Only if you would have more faith you would be healed. In the Christian world and non-christian  world people don’t understand there is a difference between type one diabetes and type two diabetes. They are very different! 

I think most chronically ill people struggle with depression. If you think about that would make since. Being home alone all the time. Being in the hospital all the time. Fighting for there lives off and on. Feeling a since of hopelessness is a common thing. 

Whatever the sickness is or chronic illness is it is important that we as a church show love and compassion to the hurting. Below is some tips that I have come up with over the years from my own suffering. Ways that church’s can reach out and love. This is not and exhaustive list but it’s a start. 

So how can the church help?

1. Be present! Visit the chronically person weekly.
2. Bring them some kind of food or snack if they can eat. Ask them in advance what they can eat and what there favorite food is. And don’t question them. If there diabetic and they want ice cream bring them ice cream the probably know what they are doing. 
3. Ask them if you can do a chore for them. For me the hardest thing for me to do is laundry. I had a lady at my church do all my laundry one time and it was such a blessing. 
4. Get them out of the house. Ask them if they want to get out of the house. Not to got to an appointment but just go somewhere fun. I know when I was not driving it was nice to just leave the house. 
5. Just don’t ask if you can pray for go to their house and pray for them. 
6. Listen to them! We tend to want to give advice. Sometimes sick people just want people to listen to them. 
7. Let them be part of. Being sick makes you feel worthless. So if there is some type of ministry that a person can be a part of that will help them still feel a part of your church. 
8. Just don’t send emails and Facebook messages but send letters and cards of encouragement. 
9. Chronic Ilness Sunday where the whole service is dedicated to praying for those who are sick and having the elders laying hands on those who are there on Sunday and praying for them. 

Feeling Can Lead You Wrong

Do you ever feel unimportant to people all around you or that you are living in the wrong place? I know that I am important to God and I know that for a fact. Sometimes I feel people are not willing to take a chance on me anymore. Maybe it’s because I have burned bridges from my past sins. Maybe it’s because of my chronic illness and the excuse I hear over and over is that I can’t be dependable due to the ups and ad downs of my health. I have been feeling like I have no purpose in life right. I moved back to central Iowa so I could see my kids more but again due to my health that has happened either. I have always been an idea guy and so I have tried to do ministry in different non traditional ways like doing my podcast, trying to write in my blog, reach people through social media and other different ways. Some days and those days are right now I don’t feel like I am doing much good.
Continued and long term suffering is not easy. Some people call this the dessert place and for me it’s almost been three years. I am getting very tired and weary. I feel stuck in place that I feel that I don’t belong and I grew up here. Old friends won’t have anything to do with me and new ones are hard to make.
The Bible tells us to wait on the Lord. And that is the hardest part. And that is what I need to do. Is it easy, not at all but obeying the Lord is the best thing I can do today. One thing the Bible teaches me see I can’t go by feeling! I feel like a huge looser and no one cares or loves me today, but I know that the Bible says even if that was true that God loves me and cares for me. The truth is people do care and love they are just not acting like I think they should. 

So I am going to probably keep feeling a little lousy today but a little less lousy since I just reminded myself my feeling are wrong and the the Truth of God’s Word is right!

Hear I am Send Me...

Sometimes I start to write a post in my blog and a go blank. Blogging has given guys like me a chance to write. I am in no shape or form a great writer just go ask any of my english teachers i have ever had. The great wide word web have given people like me the chance to do things like write and other things people thought we might never thought we would ever do. Another thing I get to do is I get to do a podcast. Maybe another thing I am not very good at but hey I try. I get to podcast something that I am good at, proclaiming the gospel of Jesus Christ. I might not be well enough to be a pastor at this time in my life or to travel and preach what I can do is use my podcast to preach the Word. 

When we read the Bible God does not always call the most qualified but He calls those that He knows that will get the job done. Sometimes they dont even want the job like Moes but Moes finally listened to God. So God does not want us to say but God I can’t write or I can’t preach. He want us to say Hear I am send me! 

Rough health week

The last week or so I have been struggling with my stomach. I have been throwing up the last couple of days and having lots of pain. Getting in to see a doctor has been not happening! I call my stomach doctor he tells me to call my regular Doctor then I call her and she tells me me to call my stomach doctor then I couldn't get in to see him until today. So I had to go to the ER yesterday which was some help but I am throwing up again. Good thing I see my stomach Doctor at noon today! I sometimes the doctors don't listen to me and just keep letting me be sick it's so frustrating! For some reason I am nervous about going to the doctor today. I am afraid he will not listen to me or believe me that I am suffering so much. I feel like he doesn't sometimes. It's been a really rough health week for me. 

Trust in the Lord

Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding.

If you think about it that's one of the most profound verses in the Bible. What do we want to do when a problem comes our way? We want to fix it! If we are sick we want a pill to cure us. But life is not always that easy. The Bible has the solution. Is it always easy to trust in the Lord? No, but it's what we need to do. I think the hardest thing for me some days is the waiting on the Lord. I don't know about you but waiting is hard for me and I have been sick for awhile now. But I need to continue to trust that God knows what He He is doing.

My mom is a good teacher in trusting in the Lord. The last couple of weeks so has had some pretty serious health issues and through it all she has had that peace that surpasses understanding. We all have people in our lives that can teach us to be more like Christ!

Its been a rough week

It's been a really rough couple of weeks for me. Last week I was in the hospital and that's never fun. This week was been an emotional roller coaster! I have been fighting a lot of depression and some urges of wanting to drink. Thank God I didn't give into that! This week my feeding tube site also got infected! Not the best week! I am staying in my Bible and praying which is a good thing since if I wasn't I would be in big trouble! It's just been a really hard week!

Good health!!

The last few days have been great health days. I am still trying to get use to this new found good health. I am still falling asleep way to early and getting up WAY to early! I got off some pain meds that were making me pretty numb. Now I am more awake in my brain. Now I am struggling with loneliness. When I was so drugged out I did not care now I am struggling with loneliness again. Missing my kids a lot. I am still staying in the word every day. Got slack with my 90 day reading plan while getting ready for teaching the book of Joel this past Sunday. But I was still in the Word. But I am back on tract today. Loneliness really gets me, I hate it! I hate being separated from my family. But I did it to myself. When I was so drugged up I did not care now my feelings are back and I care, I can feel again. Those meds really messed me up! My days are LONG and I am a people person. So now it's back to focusing on God! He is preparing me for something, I don't know what and I hope it's to start preaching soon :-) But I am going to keep doing my podcast!

I am going to keep walking...

Feeling like giving up!

The pain continues to be so bad I just don't know what to do anymore! The feeling of giving up is so strong. I am just so tired of being hungry all the time and in pain. The pull of just taking a bunch of anxiety pills has been strong the last couple of days. 

Then I guess I guess I had a pity party at church yesterday, yes I had a pity party. I am told to do outreach but the new budget came out and they didn't even meet me in the middle with money to work with. 

My emotions are pretty raw right now doing a lot of crying! 

I know I can't give up but it's getting hard! I am back to reading the bible in 90 days again. Trying to bath myself with scripture. Not doing it for any glory but to become more like Jesus! 

There has to be a reason for this trial, for this valley. Right now it doesn't seem like I am ever going to get through this. 

Oh God give me some Hope during this storm!

Terrible Pain

The pain in my legs and feet have been so bad yesterday and today. It's almost unbearable! I had physical therapy yesterday and it flared up the pain. I just don't know what to do. I don't feel like my doctors are listening to me. I feel like throwing in the towel! Just giving up but I don't know what that means either! I am just so tired of this terrible pain all the time day in and day out! Oh God hear my cry!!!