Having a rough go at it!

Up early this morning. Not really by choice. I have to sleep in the lazy boy in our living room. While the feedings are going I can't sleep laying down. So I get woken up when dad gets ready for work. Which is not a bad thing I get to talk to him before he goes to work. One thing I have learned through all of this is don't take your family for granted, you never know when the last time it is you will see them.

 

Yesterday was an up and down day. The last few nights my blood sugars have been high which mess's with my emotions. I try my hardest to suffer well, but some days I don't that is for sure. Everything was just getting to me. Sometimes I wish I had cancer because at least there would be an end game. You either get cancer free or you die. Not saying I want to die, it's just with this chronic disease I struggle with seems to never stop. It never gives in and never gives up. I wander what is going to happen next. I have a feeding tube which I have had one before. But what is next for me. Having type one diabetes as an adult is so hard. It was hard as a kid but It has gotten harder.

 

So I started the day yesterday feeling pretty hopeless and just plain wanting to give up. I did what I have been thought and started calling people. My Pastor stopped by and that was good and then I went to an aa meeting. By the end of the day my outlook on life was better.

 

I miss doing things I use to. I wish I could go to the Iowa State game today. But I don't think I could make it through it. And I do wish people would make a fuss over me, I know I still have some pride issues. And I really miss seeing my kids. The reason I moved back here and I don't get to see them much.

 

Any hoot, I am sure struggling right now. I am going to try to keep walking with Him.