Four belly buttons

On September 21 a Sunday I went into the hospital again and did not get out until yesterday October 7. Reason I went in was again for my diabetic Gastroparesis. I went to the Ames hospital this time. I ended up getting a feeding tube put in my belly. Now I will have four belly buttons :-) I guess God wanted to see if I suffered well. And of course I did not do the best. I had good days and some pretty bad days. My faith again has been stretched and tested. There were days of complete despair and wondering if God has just given up on me. But I made it through it and got home yesterday. When in the hospital it is easy to just update on facebook then to try and write a blog on my phone.

 

My aunt just died from type one diabetes. And that is what I suffer from and then add on the complications. I was a part of a facebook group that was suppose to be a support page for those who struggle with diabetes. Right before going into the hospital some one posted a comment that caused many reactions. The person said diabetes is easy and basically just get over it and move on. I am paraphrasing what this person said. Diabetes is not easy for me. I am glad that this person has had an easy time at it. But there are those like me that try there hardest and still run into problems.

 

It seems I am doing every thing I can yet I still am having so many problems. Life sometimes is just a struggle. Nothing seems to come easy for me. There are Christians that make Christianity look easy. But not me. I have to bumble and struggle. A lot of bad choices in my past.

 

I am not a Christian because I think I am better than everyone else, though I did think that way years ago. I follow Christ because I know that I am not good enough and I need Jesus. Years ago my pride got in the way of a lot of things. Then I was broken to the point that I now know Gary can't do it, but Christ can. I am a Christian because I need a savior and a helper in time of distress. Without Christ I am nothing. I use to have the attitude it's my way or the high way. Not like that anymore either. It's Christ way.

 

I do keep on asking God what is my purpose. Why do I suffer so much and why did He keep me alive while doing some pretty sinful things. More will be revilved they tell me and this to shall pass. I have to keep my hope on Christ and keep looking forward. It's to easy to feel sorry for myself and just focus on me.

 

Diabetes and the Christian life is not all ways easy. And if you meet someone that claims one of them are, tell them to write a book on how they do it. They would be rich!

 

I am divorced. And there are many opinion on remarriage and I have heard them all. A few months ago I reconnected with a friend that I graduated from High School with. One of my problems I am a people pleaser and want to please everyone. But it is amazing that this amazing woman with so much purpose and talent in her life has poured out so much for me that last few weeks. She has shown Christ love to me over and over again. I have broken up with her a few times not truly knowing what the right thing is to do. But we keep on getting back together and the more I get to know her the more I see that she has Christ in her. Instead of looking back it's time to look forward. Instead of trying to please everyone, I need to please Christ. I don't know what she sees in me, but she is truly pretty cool and I feel pretty blessed that she has stuck around.

 

Well, that's all today. I am going to keep walking.....