The Lord's discipline

Certain words stay with you when someone says them to you. It's hard to get them out of your head. Remember that saying, "Stick and stones may brake my bones, but words will never hurt me". What a load of crap! I think it's easier to heal from those stick and stones then it is to heal from words. Even when I forgive a person for saying something hurtful it's still hard to get the words out of my head. I have said hurtful things to people that I am sure still hurts them. I am slowly learning to be careful of what I say. The key word hear is slowly.

Actions is another thing that can hang on to us. Actions of others or actions that we did. I have caused so much heart from my years of drinking, caused so much brokenness and I wish I could just fix it all. Wave a magic wand and everything will be o.k. But as most of us know that is not how it works.

When I come to God and repent and ask forgiveness of my sins He forgives me. It says in the Bible that He even forgets that sin. To repent means to turn away, not to do it again. That is one thing I am working on these days. To truly repent and to truly stop doing the sinful things I have been doing.

Here for me is a sad fact. Some of my broken relationships will never be restored. No matter how much I ask for forgives and truly repent some people will never forgive me for what I have done. Relationship are important to me, so this is a hard fact for me to swallow.

The end of my mirage is all so a hard one. When I got divorced and going through that process the fall out from that has been great. A lot of people have been affected by this. My kids have got the blunt of it. Any attempt for me to try to restore that relationship my ex wife likes to remind me that we are divorced based on Biblical issues. Which I guess it makes it all o.k. If I am honest I am still hurting deeply from how that all went down. It felt me at the time and I still feel this way it was like she was looking for a reason to divorce me. Now I admit I did sin against her in so many ways. But when I hear her tell me this kind of stuff I all ways wonder about forgiveness.

I use to be reminded often by a Pastor and one time good friend that I am living the consequences of my sins. And that is true. I am living in that right now.

But after saying all of this, there is hope in the Lord. He can and will restore me to where He wants me to be as long as I am willing to follow Him. I fall many times, but I need to keep on keeping on. Even though it's hard being disciplined by the Lord, it's a good sign that I am His son.

I don't know what God has planned for me. I am guessing it's not the next Billy Graham as I imagined years ago. But I am going to keep pressing on.

In Hebrews 12 the writer talks about being disciplined by God. Some times we try to give out the discipline and I think some times that is needed and some times not. The last couple of weeks the Holy Spirit had been convicting me of a sin that I was in. I fell into depression because I was not listing to Him. For me sometimes that's what I need. The Holy Spirit to convict than wake me up with either going through something or maybe by someone else.

Do Not Grow Weary

Hebrews 12

^3 (H)Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or ^(I)fainthearted. ⁴ In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. ⁵ And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?

^(J)“My son, ^(K)do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
    nor be weary when reproved by him.
⁶ For ^(L)the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
    and chastises every son whom he receives.”

⁷ It is for discipline that you have to endure. ^(M)God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? ⁸ If you are left without discipline, ^(N)in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. ⁹ Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to ^(O)the Father of spirits ^(P)and live? ¹⁰ For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, ^(Q)that we may share his holiness. ^11 (R)For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields ^(S)the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

¹² Therefore ^(T)lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, ¹³ and ^(U)make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint ^(V)but rather be healed. ^14 (W)Strive for peace with everyone, and for the ^(X)holiness ^(Y)without which no one will see the Lord. ¹⁵ See to it that no one ^(Z)fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ^(AA)“root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; ¹⁶ that no one is ^(AB)sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. ¹⁷ For you know that ^(AC)afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears.