Hear I am Send Me...

Sometimes I start to write a post in my blog and a go blank. Blogging has given guys like me a chance to write. I am in no shape or form a great writer just go ask any of my english teachers i have ever had. The great wide word web have given people like me the chance to do things like write and other things people thought we might never thought we would ever do. Another thing I get to do is I get to do a podcast. Maybe another thing I am not very good at but hey I try. I get to podcast something that I am good at, proclaiming the gospel of Jesus Christ. I might not be well enough to be a pastor at this time in my life or to travel and preach what I can do is use my podcast to preach the Word. 

When we read the Bible God does not always call the most qualified but He calls those that He knows that will get the job done. Sometimes they dont even want the job like Moes but Moes finally listened to God. So God does not want us to say but God I can’t write or I can’t preach. He want us to say Hear I am send me! 

Rough health week

The last week or so I have been struggling with my stomach. I have been throwing up the last couple of days and having lots of pain. Getting in to see a doctor has been not happening! I call my stomach doctor he tells me to call my regular Doctor then I call her and she tells me me to call my stomach doctor then I couldn't get in to see him until today. So I had to go to the ER yesterday which was some help but I am throwing up again. Good thing I see my stomach Doctor at noon today! I sometimes the doctors don't listen to me and just keep letting me be sick it's so frustrating! For some reason I am nervous about going to the doctor today. I am afraid he will not listen to me or believe me that I am suffering so much. I feel like he doesn't sometimes. It's been a really rough health week for me. 

Trust in the Lord

Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding.

If you think about it that's one of the most profound verses in the Bible. What do we want to do when a problem comes our way? We want to fix it! If we are sick we want a pill to cure us. But life is not always that easy. The Bible has the solution. Is it always easy to trust in the Lord? No, but it's what we need to do. I think the hardest thing for me some days is the waiting on the Lord. I don't know about you but waiting is hard for me and I have been sick for awhile now. But I need to continue to trust that God knows what He He is doing.

My mom is a good teacher in trusting in the Lord. The last couple of weeks so has had some pretty serious health issues and through it all she has had that peace that surpasses understanding. We all have people in our lives that can teach us to be more like Christ!

Its been a rough week

It's been a really rough couple of weeks for me. Last week I was in the hospital and that's never fun. This week was been an emotional roller coaster! I have been fighting a lot of depression and some urges of wanting to drink. Thank God I didn't give into that! This week my feeding tube site also got infected! Not the best week! I am staying in my Bible and praying which is a good thing since if I wasn't I would be in big trouble! It's just been a really hard week!

Good health!!

The last few days have been great health days. I am still trying to get use to this new found good health. I am still falling asleep way to early and getting up WAY to early! I got off some pain meds that were making me pretty numb. Now I am more awake in my brain. Now I am struggling with loneliness. When I was so drugged out I did not care now I am struggling with loneliness again. Missing my kids a lot. I am still staying in the word every day. Got slack with my 90 day reading plan while getting ready for teaching the book of Joel this past Sunday. But I was still in the Word. But I am back on tract today. Loneliness really gets me, I hate it! I hate being separated from my family. But I did it to myself. When I was so drugged up I did not care now my feelings are back and I care, I can feel again. Those meds really messed me up! My days are LONG and I am a people person. So now it's back to focusing on God! He is preparing me for something, I don't know what and I hope it's to start preaching soon :-) But I am going to keep doing my podcast!

I am going to keep walking...

Feeling like giving up!

The pain continues to be so bad I just don't know what to do anymore! The feeling of giving up is so strong. I am just so tired of being hungry all the time and in pain. The pull of just taking a bunch of anxiety pills has been strong the last couple of days. 

Then I guess I guess I had a pity party at church yesterday, yes I had a pity party. I am told to do outreach but the new budget came out and they didn't even meet me in the middle with money to work with. 

My emotions are pretty raw right now doing a lot of crying! 

I know I can't give up but it's getting hard! I am back to reading the bible in 90 days again. Trying to bath myself with scripture. Not doing it for any glory but to become more like Jesus! 

There has to be a reason for this trial, for this valley. Right now it doesn't seem like I am ever going to get through this. 

Oh God give me some Hope during this storm!

Terrible Pain

The pain in my legs and feet have been so bad yesterday and today. It's almost unbearable! I had physical therapy yesterday and it flared up the pain. I just don't know what to do. I don't feel like my doctors are listening to me. I feel like throwing in the towel! Just giving up but I don't know what that means either! I am just so tired of this terrible pain all the time day in and day out! Oh God hear my cry!!!