A day that should be a happy day, is not. 14 years ago today I married my sweetheart. On that day we both never thought we would be divorced. I really did not think my life would be anything like it is today. My life is a great example of how our ideas and God's ideas are not always the same. If you asked me what my life would look like back then in 14 years I would say that I would be a youth pastor or even a pastor right now. Working side by side with my wife.
Now my sin has played a huge part of where I am today. The pain of realizing that it was me that caused the divorce haunts me on a daily basis. As a pastor would say during our separation I am living the consequences of my sin. Sometimes I feel the consequences are to burdensome. It gets where I feel it's to much. One of the worst consequences is separation from my family. There is of course other consequences but that is the worst.
Realizing I might not be in full time ministry again is hard since I still feel called to do that.
Today I thank God for His forgiveness. I know He walks with me even through the consequences of my sins. I am not the same person I was because of Christ. I have been struggling with my health most of my life. Even before I started drinking. It is easy to get frustrated about the limitations my health has on me.
I want everything to be fixed now. But God does not always work that way. My idea of ministry has changed. I have become more willing to join God in what He is doing. It is still easy for me to wonder if what I do for ministry is reaching anyone. The last couple of weeks I have been wondering if my podcast is reaching anyone.
It's easy to get discouraged and want to just give up my podcast. I have been doing it ten months now. I think if what I am doing does not fit my idea of ministry than it must not be a real ministry.
That is a bunch of crap, but that's where my head goes. Ministry just does not happen at the church. It does happen on my podcast and maybe even on this Blogg.
The idea of when we sin or fail that God can never use us again is very false. I failed my marriage and so I lost it. Is it lost forever? God only knows that. But God uses the messed up to reach others.
By reading Gods word the last few months had really showed me God is not done with me yet! Walking with God is more important to me today than it ever has been. From the gutter to Grace. Through His Grace He has forgiven me my past failers.
If God can use a sick sinner like me He can use anyone. As today is a sad day for me I need to realize how God had changed me and how He continues to use me!
Keep walking, Peaches
Thank you for sharing your heart brother.
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