Holy Crap

I have not written in this since February. I have been really slacking in writing! Life has not been to bad if u take away my health struggles. What do I mean by that? Well my health is not doing good, but I have been reading through the bible in 90 days which is really helping me in my spiritual life and with my emotions. I have more peace about everything going on then I have in a long time.

I am really bad at writing in this since I have been podcasting. I really enjoy doing that. I have always liked doing radio stuff.

I still have my feeding tube. I was not using it for a few weeks in January and February and then had to start using it again. For about two or maybe longer I have been able to eat now.

Then last Sunday afternoon I started feeling light headed. Went to the Doctor and now on Monday I have to have a MRI of my head. Then I go and see a neurologist on Thursday. I have peace about it and really don't think anything is wrong. I think maybe I just have a cold  or the flu.

Who knows! Just leaning on God! Well there is a little update on my life! 

I am going to keep on keeping on!

Crazy few weeks

The last few weeks have been pretty crazy for me! Life kind of slowed down for every one around here since we get hit by a snow storm. But I went to Chicago to try out for a t.v. program which was pretty fun and crazy. My health seems to be getting better. I still have the feeding tube but I am not using it right now. I am able to eat for now. Which is GREAT! I have been going through the 12 steps again with my sponsor. Finding out some stuff about myself that I have not worked on. As it seems to come up, I really would like to go back to Eureka, but God has me here for now. Not going any where until I can get my feeding tube out.

I grew up with the thought that you had to go to church to be a good Christian or spiritual. I have had that in my thinking for a long time. But I have realized that yes Church is good. But if I put anything above my recovery I am in trouble. Even if I put my kids before it I run into trouble. Yes I moved here to be closer to then and God knows I have tried to see them as much as I can. But I let not seeing them effect me to much.

Expiations, is another big one for me. Expiations I put on others and those that others put on me. I have to realize that those around me are doing the best that they can. And I am doing the best that I can. I was accused by someone that I don't even really know that I have pity parties about my health and not seeing the kids. Kids, probably but not my health. I work hard on not feeling sorry for myself. There are days I do. But life is what life is. Sometimes it is going to suck. I was told once that pain equals growth. I do believe that but boy its not all ways easy.

Keep Walking....

The Struggle

I am struggling so much tonight. Had a huge weekend this part weekend. Went to Chicago to audition for my comedy. I guess I am struggling with the let down. I am very depressed tonight and I feel like drinking. My biggest discouragement tonight is I can't get a hold of my kids. My ex wife tryst to keep them away from me and has been doing this for years. I get into moods like this and I feel like throwing in the towel. I moved out here to be able to see my kids more, but that sure is not happening.
But my feelings are just feelings and I know these feelings will pass but I am sure struggling tonight!

New podcast for today

http://www.spreaker.com/episode/5475253

Check me out on Spreaker

http://www.spreaker.com/user/garyeaches

The above link will take you to my podcasts.

Seize the day!

For some reason I have not been blogging much the last few weeks. My health seems to be getting better the last few weeks. I have been able to start eating regular food which is great. Getting ready to try out my comedy in Chicago at the end of the month. Trying to take more positive chances in life. To get out of my comfort zone. It would be easy to just stay home and not take chances. It is scary sometimes. What's the worst thing that could happen? I started to volunteer at a local radio station here in town. I love doing radio stuff.

After all the health stuff I went through last year I am trying to "seize the day" as much as I can. I way to much focus on the past and let it slow me down. But the past is the past. Easier said then done looking forward. Fear is the cause of most of my problems today. I am leaning that I should not be afraid of failure. Failure for me is not trying to move forward in life and to try new things. I have in my life done and tried a lot of negative things in my life. I am going to do positive things.

I hope I can remember to write in this more. Let's all seize this day for the good!

The Holy Spirit

It's the week of Christmas. I am excited I get to spend Christmas Eve with my kids! The last two weeks have been good and bad. I am slowly cleaning up some messes I have caused from the last month and a half or so. I have learned that even when we don't drink we can sure cause messes in our lives and others. It is hard time for me to obey what God wants. As a Christian I have the Holy Spirit who convicts me and sometimes I ignore the Holy Spirit. I might be able to do that for awhile, but the conviction gets so strong I either listen or try to ignore more which does not work for me. I get into trouble when I start playing God.